Payton's First Christmas

Christmas started early this year for Payton. My family came over on the 23rd for presents and tamales (a tradition started at Mamaw's almost 50 years ago when they had tamales after church on Christmas Eve).





Early Monday morning we flew to Alabama. I was a little worried about the flight since Payton had an ear infection, but she did great! She fell asleep before we boarded and stayed asleep the entire flight! I think we have a globe trotter on our hands!!

We spent Christmas Eve with Grandma Red (MiMi's mom) and then Christmas Day with Nanny and Pa (PaPa's mom and dad). Everyone was thrilled to see Payton and I think everyone that wanted to hold her did. She handled all the people and her schedule being thrown off remarkably well.

Grandma Red and Payton

Aunt Heather and Payton

Her cousins LOVE Baby Girl! They can't believe she's so little and every move she made, Conner told us about.


She had a great Christmas and has enough toys to last her until her birthday! I can't wait for next Christmas when she'll be walking and talking and we create our own family traditions.

"Talking"

Payton was in a great mood today when we left Birmingham. She was talking while the plane was parked at the gate and then went to sleep the entire flight! We can't ask for a better traveler!!!

Pro pics

3 months!

I honestly cannot believe 3 months have passed since my beautiful little girl was born and my life was forever changed.

I recently read something in Parents magazine that said that to the author, it seemed like the women you yearned for a baby and being pregnant had a harder time adjusting than the women who's pregnancy wasn't planned.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mother. I couldn't wait to be pregnant, to give birth to a little miracle, to see how my life and my husband's life would change, to see that little one grow into an amazing person and to be responsible for that amazing journey.

My pregnancy was fantastic. I loved almost every minute of it. I thought that once I had Payton, the joy would continue and we'd be blissfully happy. What I hadn't counted on was a far from routine birth and all the nicu issues we had with Payton. I truly believe the experience was what led to post partum depression. I didn't get to hold Payton for almost 12 hours... I was so scared to bond with her in case something happened and she didn't make it. I don't think that there was ever a chance of her not making it, but in my exhausted, emotional state, I was trying to protect my heart.

When I say that I couldn't have gotten through the first 6 weeks without my mom and sister I mean it. I think I would've been committed if they weren't here everyday to help me. I didn't want to see anyone but Lane, my mom, my dad and my sister. It was such a dark time. I felt like such a failure. I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what to do to fix it. Never once did I regret having Payton, but I wondered why she deserved me as a mother.

Thankfully, I was able to move my post partum appointment up a week and I was prescribed medication. I cannot tell you what a difference it's made in 7 short weeks. I'm able to be a blissfully, happy mommy and I know this is my sole purpose in life! Payton is the most beautiful, sweet little girl and I am truly blessed to have her as my daughter. I hope one day she'll be able to say she was blessed to have me as a mother.

A Mother Is Born

I received this about 2 weeks after Payton was born and still cry every time I read it. This is so amazingly true.

A MOTHER IS BORN

My first child, a daughter, was born on July 27, 2000, and I was completely unprepared.

I thought I was ready for her birth. I had read my books and articles on childbirth and baby care; I had bought everything on my shopping checklist. The nursery was ready for use, and my husband and I were anxiously awaiting for her arrival. I was prepared for wakeful nights, endless diapers, sore nipples, crying(both hers and mine), and the feeling that I can't get anything done. I was prepared for sitz baths and hemorrhoids.

What I wasn't prepared for was the way the entire world looked different to me the minute she was born. I wasn't prepared for the fact that the sheer weight of my love would reduce me to tears on a daily basis. I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to get through my first lullaby to her because I wouldn't be able to sing through my tears. I didn't know that the entire world would suddenly become unbelievable beautiful and yet infinitely scarier. I didn't know that it would seem like a new place had been created inside of me, just to hold this incredible love.

I had no idea what it would feel like when the nurse wheeled my daughter in to me saying, "She's looking for you," and the way the image of her deep-blue eyes looking right at me would be seared in my heart forever. I didn't know that I could love someone so much it literally hurts, that a trip to Walmart would make me feel like a protective mother bear guarding her cub, or that my first trip to the grocery store without her would break my heart.

I didn't know that she would forever change the way my husband and I look at each other, or that the process of giving birth to her and breast-feeding her would give me a whole new respect for my body. No one ever told me that I would no longer be able to watch the evening news because every story about child abuse would make me think of my daughter's face.

Why didn't anyone warn me about these things? I am overwhelmed by it all. Will I ever be able to leave her and think of anything else but her, or see a crust in her eye or spot on her skin that doesn't make me nervous? Will I ever be able to show her and express to her just how deep and all-encompassing my love for her is? Will I ever be able to be the mother I so desperately want her to have?

I have heard it said, and now know that it is true, that when a woman gives birth to her first child, there are two births. The first is the birth of the child. The second is the birth of the mother. Perhaps that is the birth that is impossible to prepare for....
Written by Regina Phillips

12 weeks

11 weeks

10 weeks

Congratulations!

Lane graduated with his MBA on November 30th! We're SO glad to have him home full time and I'm sure his business partner is glad to have him at work full time too!

Lane plans to hold this photo over Payton's head.... apparently she'll be getting her Masters before she gets married and has kids!

Holidays

Our little spider!


Thanksgiving at Nonnie and Deeda's


Waiting to see Santa!

Weekly pics

I've been taking pictures of Payton every week with a bear Lane and I bought on our Vegas Vacation when I was 4 months pregnant.

Here's up to 9 weeks! She's changed so much!
2 weeks
3 weeks
4 weeks
5 weeks 6 weeks 7 weeks
2 months 9 weeks

Computer issues

For whatever reason I can't login on my home computer, but I'll update pics of Miss Payton soon!

Birth story

Went in for the scheduled induction on 9-20 (my due date) at 7:30 am... started pitocin about 9:30... shot of nubain around 10:45.... epi at 11:45... 7 cm at 12... started pushing around 3:45.. Payton was born at 5:06 pm... I have a 4th degree tear... held Payton on my stomach for about 15 seconds then was stitched up while they suctioned her.

Payton was born with spontaneous pneumothorax, which is a buildup of air in the space between the lung and the chest wall. As the amount of air in this space increases, the pressure against the lung causes the lung to collapse. It resolves on its own over time. She went to the nicu and I wasn't able to hold her until Friday and that was only for a few minutes before they put her under an oxygen tent. They were concerned with fast breathing, but it was resolved and she came out of the O2 tent on Saturday.

I was released on Saturday and Lane and I stayed in a hotel so we could be close enough to go feed her in the middle of the night. They took out her IV on Sunday morning and she was released Monday morning!!!

We're home and doing well. The doctor's say this happens in about 5% of newborns and it goes undetected. She's a totally normal newborn and is as healthy as ever.... just a little bit of a rough start, but she's completely perfect.

We're tired to say the least and I'm emotionally drained.

almost 40 weeks

Well, I'm 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced. We go in tomorrow morning at 7:15 to get hooked up to the IV and pitocin will be started... she'll also break my water. She did say I can have the epidural whenever I'm ready for it. Such a tough call. In a strange way, I want to experience some contractions, but everything I've heard about pitocin contractions make me not want to. I'm also nervous about the epi wearing off before she's here.

We'll post pics soon and look for an email from my mom or Lane.

Since I know Parra has been wanting to ask me to post a pic, here's one from last week... at 39 weeks exactly... trying to keep Payton from coming until Lane was able to make it home from Alabama.